I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
