How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize