Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
