uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
