Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
