My hand turned me down
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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