i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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