PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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