i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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