Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
