You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
