Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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