i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
