Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
