I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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