I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
