Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
