We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
