I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
