Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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