idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
