Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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