WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
