Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
