He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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