I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
