I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
