Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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