I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
