ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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