i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
