is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
