i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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