We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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