The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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