What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
