i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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