i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
