he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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