if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
