We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This is the high leading the old right now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
