He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize