I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
