I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
