We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he laminated a picture of his dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
