Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ok first of all what the fuck
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
