I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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