im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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