Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
