Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
