but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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