Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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