bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
