If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
