I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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