oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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